According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
