How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
