i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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