What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
