Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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