I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
