You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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