theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
