Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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