in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
