all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize