No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
