guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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