Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
