i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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