I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
