If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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