I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
