I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
