My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
