we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
