I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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