I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
