at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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