i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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