I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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