Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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