i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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