I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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