there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
