Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just googled if crying burns calories
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
