kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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