yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
