Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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