five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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