i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
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I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
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I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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