the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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