I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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