My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
