i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
