what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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