I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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