Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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