Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
