Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
