i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
