Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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