It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
