id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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