I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
