bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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