I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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