Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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