i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
