i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
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i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
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I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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