Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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