Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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