my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
