I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
