i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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