Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
