So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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