sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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