that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
