Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
