You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
love makes seman taste better
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
