At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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