I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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