remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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