hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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