Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
