I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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