Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
