I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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