we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
