Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
