I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
