1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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