There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
